Look Outward and Look Inward - Baby Step 15

When pain is the definer of life and living, it is so easy to sink. The energy required for life is limited by the challenges I face. I need to find balance among the requirements of family, faith, function, and fun. It used to be simple to incorporate all four at the same time and bounce quickly from one to the other. Today, I have to choose, and I hate it. In not choosing, I choose. In choosing, I may miss the important people and moments of a day. This amount of focus creates the slide into the "slough of despond." (John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress)

If I am focused on myself, things slip by. I don't look ahead, nor am I present in the moment. I whine (more than my allotted two minutes per day). I cannot help others in my need to be still. I can read, but I will not remember what I read. I become so aware of everything that increases my pain; I forget there are things other than drugs that can decrease it.

I found an easier way. Decrease the number of choices to two: inward or outward. Inward seems focused on self. Outward seems focused on others. But in reality, it can be the other way around. Whether mental, physical, spiritual, whether work or play, I know how much energy will be required. I see what I can delegate and what I must do myself. I find that when I push, I must pay the piper.

Jesus, in his life of chronic pain, used inward and outward focus on balancing his days. He withdrew to the desert, to the mountaintop, to the water to be alone, to pray early in the morning and late in the day. Outward focus on his relationship with the Father and on those to whom Jesus and his disciples would touch. Then he focused inward drawing on the strength of that time with God to teach, to heal, to minister to others.

Thank you, Faith and Georgia, for reminding me this week of the power of looking outward in prayer and inward in finding strength to minister to others. I have kept a prayer journal most of my life. I have lists of names on the backs of envelopes, 3"x5" cards, napkins, church bulletins, all stuffed in my bibles. Whatever was handy at the time to record the names and needs to include in my prayers. Stilling my heart, quieting my mind, focusing on the needs of others keeps me on the edge of the abyss.

Some days, when my body requires stillness to battle, I can take the time to read through all the names aloud. Other days when my body requires busyness in battle, the most I can do is place my hand on my lists and know that God knows who most needs my focus. My willingness to conserve to spend or to push and pay becomes a blessing regardless. Either way, inward or outward, I always begin my day putting on the full armor of God so that I can stand fearlessly. (Ephesians 6:10-17)

Somewhere along the line, someone – probably several someones – since I am a bit of a slow learner – I discovered the power of using God's words, straight from scripture to frame my prayers, to bind Satan, to prepare myself to be emptied and poured out for others. One day at an inter-squadron baseball game, the wife of one of my husband's commanders shared with me the prayer she prayed daily for her children.

This prayer, I pray daily for all my children home-grown and accumulated, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, cousins, in-laws, nieces, and nephews. . . I use these words to pray for friends and friends of friends, for allies and foes. Because this was first the apostle Paul's words of prayer for the church in Ephesus, I know it meets Christ's qualifications for agreement. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:19) I use these words to pray for you.

"For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through the Holy Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. And pray you will know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to the One who can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Faith and Georgia, and all those who feel called to pray for me, I like Paul ask only for prayer "that whenever I open my mouth [or take up my pen] words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel." (Ephesians 6:19).