Baby Step 19 - Love

Mama, as she ages and dementia breaks down her memory and her filters, continues to be caring and considerate of everyone. Her loving heart remains intact. Even so, Mama bursts out at least once a day, “I hope she doesn’t come to play cards. I don’t like her. I don’t know why. I just don’t like her.”

Come time to pay cards; Mama will offer to be Hope’s partner. Mama will offer Hope a pillow for her back. Mama does not tell Hope there is a better way to play a wild card. Mama will say nothing rather than offer an angry retort. Alone again, Mama will ask me, “Was I loving?” It obviously took effort.

From time to time we all have people, whether we remember their names or not, that inexplicably raise our ire. They ruin our perfect day when they walk through the door. They don’t have to do or say anything to make us uncomfortable, cranky, even angry. The very fact they breathe the same air I do is enough for me to wish they didn’t exist.

I remember Mama would sometimes say, “You don’t have to like them, you just have to love them.” How do we love with or without liking? By being kind and thoughtful. Learning to practice peace and justice. By setting aside self and living with an attitude of generosity. 

And in the end, we may still not like her, but our hearts will be expanded, changed, warmed, and emptied so that we can sow pardon, union, faith, joy, light, understanding. We can choose rather than feel. We can learn to love.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” And Jesus replied to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ The whole Law and the [writings of the] Prophets depend on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:36-40Amplified Bible (AMP)

Baby Step 18: Silence

Some days, no matter how bright the sun, or cheerful the breeze, I feel weighed down by a darkness within. There is no escape, no place of refuge, only a deep, hopeless chasm in which I cannot even rest. The pain seems more than I can bear. The joy stripped from within. Paralyzed, I cannot move. Blind, I cannot see. Deaf, I cannot hear. I find only the silence.

Domine Jesu Christe, you knew the darkness, the chaos before there was time. You breathed a Word, and there was light and calm. You move gently into my emptiness and lift me above the pain. In you, I live and move and have my being. You find me in the silence. You give voice to my grief. In the depths of despair, you breathe hope.

“But the LORD is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him.” (Habakkuk 2:20)

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

Baby Step 17 - Watch for the heroes

Psalm 56:3 Whenever I am afraid I will put my trust in thee.

Mister Rogers’ mother told him: "Whenever you see something bad is happening watch for the helpers."

On March 30, 2002, a firefighter searching for victims of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the World Trade Center in New York, discovered a burnt Bible fused to a piece of steel. The barely legible top page is open to the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5, where Jesus speaks of “an eye for an eye” followed by “resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other."

http://www.history.com/topics/9-11-attacks/videos/remembering-911-the-ground-zero-bible

In your life make this your goal: focus on the donut and not the hole. 

God doesn't walk away. We often do in our helplessness and hopelessness not realizing famine will pass - feasting will follow.

Hope is embedded in our laments.

- Rev. Susan Landry

Baby Step 16 Don't Be Afraid to Look Back

My sister sent me the lyrics to the song "These Are the Women We Come From." It made me cry as I thought of my mother who is 88 and struggling from day to day. I never hear the pain or fear when I talk to her on the phone. Occasionally I see it when I go to stay with her.

I, too, struggle to be strong, to look beyond my pain. I try to be present in every moment, but find it easy to slip down and want to give in and give up. Then I read Psalm 136 and am reminded "His love endures forever." I read Psalm 91 and remember: because I love God, He will rescue me. Because I acknowledge His name, he will protect me. When I call upon Him, and He will answer me, He will be with me in trouble.

Paul reminds Timothy (2 Timothy 1:5) that the faith that lives in him first lived in his grandmother, Lois, and his mother, Eunice.

These Are the Women We Come From

(Bonnie Keen/Tori Taff)

They are faces in photographs

Heads all held high

Not afraid to look life in the eye

They were women with backbone

Keepers of the Flame

With a spirit even hard times couldn’t tame

And I know that this same blood is in me

And I meet their gaze one by one

Eyes strong and clear

I still feel them near

Chorus:

These are the women I come from

The faith that sustained them is bred in my bones

I know what I’m made of and where I belong

‘Cause these are the women I come from

What did life bring them?

What pain did they know?

Stories the pictures didn’t show

They were lovers of babies and lovers of God

With lessons and laughter in their songs

Did they dream better dreams for their children?

As they prayed silent prayers in the night?

“Lord make their way clear and always be near”

Chorus

Now I have my own child beside me

And we gaze at them all one by one

Her eyes strong and clear,  I draw her near, and say

These are the women you come from

The faith that sustained them is bred in your bones

You know what you’re made of and where you belong

‘Cause these are the women

Survivors each one

They weren’t always easy, but loving and strong

God’s life force inside them is still going on

‘Cause these are the women we come from

Don't be afraid to look back.

Look Outward and Look Inward - Baby Step 15

When pain is the definer of life and living, it is so easy to sink. The energy required for life is limited by the challenges I face. I need to find balance among the requirements of family, faith, function, and fun. It used to be simple to incorporate all four at the same time and bounce quickly from one to the other. Today, I have to choose, and I hate it. In not choosing, I choose. In choosing, I may miss the important people and moments of a day. This amount of focus creates the slide into the "slough of despond." (John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress)

If I am focused on myself, things slip by. I don't look ahead, nor am I present in the moment. I whine (more than my allotted two minutes per day). I cannot help others in my need to be still. I can read, but I will not remember what I read. I become so aware of everything that increases my pain; I forget there are things other than drugs that can decrease it.

I found an easier way. Decrease the number of choices to two: inward or outward. Inward seems focused on self. Outward seems focused on others. But in reality, it can be the other way around. Whether mental, physical, spiritual, whether work or play, I know how much energy will be required. I see what I can delegate and what I must do myself. I find that when I push, I must pay the piper.

Jesus, in his life of chronic pain, used inward and outward focus on balancing his days. He withdrew to the desert, to the mountaintop, to the water to be alone, to pray early in the morning and late in the day. Outward focus on his relationship with the Father and on those to whom Jesus and his disciples would touch. Then he focused inward drawing on the strength of that time with God to teach, to heal, to minister to others.

Thank you, Faith and Georgia, for reminding me this week of the power of looking outward in prayer and inward in finding strength to minister to others. I have kept a prayer journal most of my life. I have lists of names on the backs of envelopes, 3"x5" cards, napkins, church bulletins, all stuffed in my bibles. Whatever was handy at the time to record the names and needs to include in my prayers. Stilling my heart, quieting my mind, focusing on the needs of others keeps me on the edge of the abyss.

Some days, when my body requires stillness to battle, I can take the time to read through all the names aloud. Other days when my body requires busyness in battle, the most I can do is place my hand on my lists and know that God knows who most needs my focus. My willingness to conserve to spend or to push and pay becomes a blessing regardless. Either way, inward or outward, I always begin my day putting on the full armor of God so that I can stand fearlessly. (Ephesians 6:10-17)

Somewhere along the line, someone – probably several someones – since I am a bit of a slow learner – I discovered the power of using God's words, straight from scripture to frame my prayers, to bind Satan, to prepare myself to be emptied and poured out for others. One day at an inter-squadron baseball game, the wife of one of my husband's commanders shared with me the prayer she prayed daily for her children.

This prayer, I pray daily for all my children home-grown and accumulated, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, cousins, in-laws, nieces, and nephews. . . I use these words to pray for friends and friends of friends, for allies and foes. Because this was first the apostle Paul's words of prayer for the church in Ephesus, I know it meets Christ's qualifications for agreement. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:19) I use these words to pray for you.

"For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through the Holy Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. And pray you will know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to the One who can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Faith and Georgia, and all those who feel called to pray for me, I like Paul ask only for prayer "that whenever I open my mouth [or take up my pen] words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel." (Ephesians 6:19).

Isaiah 57:16-19 Baby Step14

O, Father, my Father, you are the high and lofty one.

You are greater than all gods.

You are beyond what I can perceive.

Yet you are known by little children.

O, Jesus, sweet Jesus you inhabit eternity.

You are outside and beyond time.

You are the unmoved mover.

Yet you chose to step into time and space.

O, Spirit, Holy Spirit, you are the Holy Breath.

You are the creator of order from chaos.

You are the sacred fire, all wisdom, and power.

Yet you heal, revive, and lead with gentleness and mercy.

O, Blessed Trinity, you are exalted, lifted on high

You are gift and giver, filled with mystery and grace.

You ask from me a humble spirit and a contrite heart.

You promise to repay me with comfort and peace.

Amen.

Recognition – Baby Step 13

READ: Psalm 88

My Song is Love Unknown Samuel Crossman (1664)

1 My song is love unknown, 
my Savior’s love to me. 
Love to the loveless shown, 
that they might lovely be. 
Oh, who am I that for my sake, 
oh, who am I that for my sake 
my Lord should take frail flesh and die?

2 He came from heaven’s throne 
salvation to bestow; 
but they refused, and none 
the longed-for Christ would know. 
This is my friend, my friend indeed, 
this is my friend, my friend indeed, 
who at my need, his life did spend.

3 Sometimes they crowd his way 
and his sweet praises sing, 
resounding all the day 
hosannas to their King. 
Then, “Crucify!” is all their breath, 
then, “Crucify!” is all their breath, 
and for his death they thirst and cry.

4 Why, what has my Lord done 
to cause this rage and spite? 
He made the lame to run 
and gave the blind their sight. 
What injuries, yet these are why, 
what injuries, yet these are why 
the Lord Most High so cruelly dies.

5 With angry shouts they have 
my dear Lord done away;
a murderer they save, 
the Prince of Life they slay.
Yet willingly, he bears the shame,
yet willingly, he bears the shame,
that through his name all might be free.

6 Here might I stay and sing 
of him my soul adores:
never was love, dear King, 
never was grief like yours.
This is my friend in whose sweet praise,
this is my friend in whose sweet praise
I all my days would gladly spend.

https://youtu.be/oOEjZb-rHc0

The Daily Office from The Mission of St. Clare, June 17, 2016

PRAYER:

Oh, Lord, please break my heart as my body is broken, that I might see the gift of your Salvation. May I recognize my frailty as an opportunity to show ways I might run though lame, might see though blind, might be free though bound. Let me see the willingness of the Prince of Life to set aside his throne, take on the frailty of human life, and willingly allow Himself to be broken so I might be free. Let me find the freedom beyond my pain in praise. I would gladly spend all my days lost in wonder and praise. Amen.

Baby Step Twelve: Second Chances

June 11, 2016

Read Acts 4:32-37 and Psalm 15

Barnabas, whose name means “son of encouragement,” is first made known in scripture when he sells his field and brings all the proceeds to the apostles to encourage the spread of the Good News of Jesus' death and resurrection. As the Acts of the Apostles continues to unfold, Barnabas becomes the disciple of second chances.

Paul comes to Jerusalem to seek the blessing of the Apostles. Only Barnabas is willing to listen to Paul’s story, take him before the Apostles, and vouch for him. Paul a “second chance” to carry the Good News beyond the Jewish community. Barnabas and Mark go with Paul on his next missionary journey. Part way into the trip, Mark turns around and goes home.




Paul considers Mark as undependable. It is Barnabas, who gives Mark a “second chance.” Rather than go with Paul, Barnabas goes on a missionary journey with Mark. Paul subsequently asks for Mark to be warmly received because he has been useful in ministry.

I think of the many “second chances” my parents, my husband, my children, my friends have given me. We all fall short.  We take a wrong turn and end up somewhere we didn’t plan to go.

We tell a little lie that doesn’t stay so small. We hurt our friends and blame others for actions we have willingly and knowingly taken. We fail to keep our word because it seems too costly. We take bribes, just to get a little bit ahead of our neighbor. We cut a corner here or there.

Oh, that we could all be a Barnabas. Son of encouragement. Giver of second chances.

Prayer: We thank you for the second chances we received today and yesterday. We are thankful for Barnabas, who reminds us we serve a God of second chances. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Baby Step Eleven: Smile, Laugh Sing

Each morning during the season of Pentecost, I am reminded of God’s creative power. Of the Holy Spirit that “moved over the face of the waters to bring light and life to God’s creation.” I begin by asking God to “pour out His Spirit on this day that I might walk as a child of light.” I am reminded to watch as the “Spirit of God fills the whole world.” (Morning Prayer, Monday - Pentecost)

What power, what grace, what joy is mine. I do not walk alone in the darkness. I need not shuffle, barely moving my feet. In one sweeping Word my Lord and Savior “forgives all my sins and heals all my infirmities.” Does that mean all pain is swept away? No, but by focusing on His light and my lightness in each new day, I can set my pain aside. I can concentrate on His goodness. (Psalm 103)

This morning, and every morning, the shades are drawn back so I can see the power of God in my life where I find forgiveness for my anger, healing for my anxiety, a way out from my depression. I can raise my head. I need not watch my feet. I can stand tall holding not just my walker, but grasping God’s steadfast love and mercy.

I am reminded God’s Pentecostal power opens His this day and every day love and mercy. I can be a mirror, a reflection of His forgiving nature. I can choose to hold on to the creative power of decency, kindness, honesty, and integrity. When I walk as a child of the light, that should be what

others see: Him in me.

Smile; don’t frown. Laugh; don’t cry. Sing; don’t whine. Be a window for His goodness. Be door to his righteousness. The path is well-lighted. I am His and He is mine. He renews my strength for each baby step I take this day. 

Baby Step 10: As Simple As 1, 2, 3

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.”[1]

--John Pierpoint “J.P.” Morgan

  ‘Can’t they keep their minds on God for five minutes?
    Do they simply refuse to walk down my road?’[2]

It is easiest in the morning. Assuming you slept the night before, you have the energy to look forward. The willingness to follow your plan. The focus to honor your boundaries. Preparedness to accept the covenant you made with God.

Then evening comes, energy dissipates, willingness becomes buried in the need to escape, our attentiveness moves from plan to business as usual, focus and boundaries become blurred; we neglect to stay prepared.

How can you make positive changes in your life and behavior when each day is a struggle just to survive? How can you keep your mind on God when you fear the change you need to make will just leave you alone on the other end?

I wonder if Jesus, as he resolutely set his face toward Jerusalem and death, worried about this daily drift? Did he look at his disciples’ fear and lack of understanding would create a carelessness ending in an unintended destination?

God created a perfect plan to take the slaves known to the Egyptians as the Hebrews and form them into a nation of spiritual fortitude and power. He even hand-picked a leader and prepared him in the house of the Pharaoh, and among the herds and wilderness of the Midianites.

The nation that would become Israel and the disciples that would become the early church looked good on the surface. However, could they pay the price of success?

Today, like them, “each day is filled with thousands of opportunities to change the story of our lives. . . . [We need to position ourselves] to make the most proactive, intentional and beneficial decisions possible.” [3]

^7-12 If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us. As it is, there’s not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we’re not much to look at. We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus’ sake, which makes Jesus’ life all the more evident in us. While we’re going through the worst, you’re getting in on the best![4]

It is as simple as:

1.       Deciding not stay where you are;

2.       Staying focused on God and his plan five minutes at a time; and

3.       Being willing to carry the visible message of salvation visible in our   brokenness. and weakness.

Bibliography

Hyatt, Michael, and Daniel Harkavy. 2016. Living Forward: A Proven Plan to Stop Drifting and Get the Life You Want. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. Accessed March 2016. LivingForwardBook.com.

Petersen, Eugene H. 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. The Message. Carol Stream, Illinois: NavPress Publishing Group. Accessed March 18, 2016. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/Message-MSG-Bible/.

---

[1] (Hyatt and Harkavy 2016) p. 15

[2] (Petersen 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002) Psalm 95:12 MSG

[3] (Hyatt and Harkavy 2016) pp. 18, 19

[4] (Petersen 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002) 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 MSG

Baby Step Nine - Trusting God for Deliverance

Baby Steps - March 12, 2016

Psalms 107 and 108

James Cameron, the writer and director of the 1997 “epic romantic disaster film “(Wikepedia) felt that the juxtaposition of a “love story interspersed with the human loss would be essential to convey the emotional impact of the disaster.” The musical score including the love song,  My Heart Will Go On, was composed by James Horner. Although it is the only song on the soundtrack that has lyrics, my favorite rendition is a piano solo by Mike Strickland.

I find the intensity of the music, originally written without lyrics, to convey my experiences of my emotional connectivity with our daughters, and the love and power of God to act in the midst of many troubles and calling upon His promise to bring his authority and victory to every situation.

In Psalms 107 and 108, (Wesley Study Bible: New Revised Standard Version, 2009), we are called as a people of God regathered from exile to give our “Thanksgiving for Deliverance from Many Troubles” and to offer our “Praise and Prayer for Victory.”

“O give thanks to the Lord for he is good;

    for his steadfast love endures forever.

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,

    those he redeemed from trouble.” (107:1-2 NRSV)

“but he raises up the needy out of distress . . .

Let those who are wise give heed to these things,

     and consider the steadfast love of the Lord.” (107:41, 43 NRSV)

All God’s redeeming acts encourage and teach the faithful.

“Be exalted, O God, above the heavens,

     and let your glory be over all the earth.

Give victory with your right hand, and answer me,

     so that those whom you love may be rescued.” (108:5-6 NRSV)

“O grant us help against the foe

     for human help is worthless.” (108:12 NRSV)

“Give us help for the hard task.” (108:12 MSG, (Petersen, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002))

DELIVERANCE

“In a world of often dueling oppression we may overlook the fact that everyone encounters times of discomfort, danger and distress. The severity and duration of our experiences differ, but no comparison is necessary.” These Psalms assure us, whoever we are: no matter our “race, gender, age ethnicity or belief.” Let the redeemed, “whoever we are, wherever we live, whatever we are going through, let us ‘say so’ to recognize God’s power to help us overcome.” (Wesley Study Bible: New Revised Standard Version, 2009, p. 734)

Somehow, someway, God has given me a special connection with my daughters. No matter how near or far, I somehow feel and own their emotional pain, distress, or danger. They don’t need to call, I just know. My heart responds intuitively. My body responds viscerally.  I would never ask for this pain, distress, and trouble be lifted from me, because somehow, someway God helps me carry their burdens and breathes life into my prayers.  I know we are the redeemed. I believe this connectivity between our girls, myself, and my God grants the opportunity to “say so” on behalf of those I love. We can, through God’s power, overcome the needs of the day, the season, even the extended exile because we know.

Run to the God-light

God’s love is meteoric,
    his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
    his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness
    nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse,
    slips through the cracks. (Psalm 36:5-6 MSG) 1/20/15

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.

 “This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.” (John 3:16-21 MSG)

Let your love, God, shape my life
    with salvation, exactly as you promised;
Then I’ll be able to stand up to mockery
    because I trusted your Word.
Don’t ever deprive me of truth, not ever—
    your commandments are what I depend on.
Oh, I’ll guard with my life what you’ve revealed to me,
    guard it now, guard it ever;
And I’ll stride freely through wide open spaces
    as I look for your truth and your wisdom;
Then I’ll tell the world what I find,
    speak out boldly in public, unembarrassed. (Psalm 119: 41-47 MSG)

 “That’s why my cup is running over. This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines.

“The One who comes from above is head and shoulders over other messengers from God. The earthborn is earthbound and speaks earth language; the heavenborn is in a league of his own. He sets out the evidence of what he saw and heard in heaven. No one wants to deal with these facts. But anyone who examines this evidence will come to stake his life on this: that God himself is the truth.

^“The One that God sent speaks God’s words. And don’t think he rations out the Spirit in bits and pieces. The Father loves the Son extravagantly. He turned everything over to him so he could give it away—a lavish distribution of gifts. That is why whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever! And that is also why the person who avoids and distrusts the Son is in the dark and doesn’t see life. All he experiences of God is darkness, and an angry darkness at that.” (John 3:29-30 MSG)

 I run to you, God; I run for dear life.
    Don’t let me down!
    Take me seriously this time!
Get down on my level and listen,
    and please—no procrastination!
Your granite cave a hiding place,
    your high cliff aerie a place of safety.(Psalm 31:1-2 MSG)

 “It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.” (John 4:23-24 MSG)

God gave his best, he asks for no less from me. When I bury myself in darkness, I am like the chaos before creation. When I run to the God-light, I am not creating light. That is already done. As I grow closer and closer to His love and truth, I become more and more reflective of His light. As I move nearer and nearer, more and more of me disappears, greater and greater His light shines, so they too run to the God-light.

Peterson, Eugene H. The Message (MSG). Carol Stream, IL: NavPress, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002.