Mama, as she ages and dementia breaks down her memory and her filters, continues to be caring and considerate of everyone. Her loving heart remains intact. Even so, Mama bursts out at least once a day, “I hope she doesn’t come to play cards. I don’t like her. I don’t know why. I just don’t like her.”
Come time to pay cards; Mama will offer to be Hope’s partner. Mama will offer Hope a pillow for her back. Mama does not tell Hope there is a better way to play a wild card. Mama will say nothing rather than offer an angry retort. Alone again, Mama will ask me, “Was I loving?” It obviously took effort.
From time to time we all have people, whether we remember their names or not, that inexplicably raise our ire. They ruin our perfect day when they walk through the door. They don’t have to do or say anything to make us uncomfortable, cranky, even angry. The very fact they breathe the same air I do is enough for me to wish they didn’t exist.
I remember Mama would sometimes say, “You don’t have to like them, you just have to love them.” How do we love with or without liking? By being kind and thoughtful. Learning to practice peace and justice. By setting aside self and living with an attitude of generosity.
And in the end, we may still not like her, but our hearts will be expanded, changed, warmed, and emptied so that we can sow pardon, union, faith, joy, light, understanding. We can choose rather than feel. We can learn to love.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” And Jesus replied to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ The whole Law and the [writings of the] Prophets depend on these two commandments.”
